Homeless

I remember a peaceful childhood, full of great dreams and hopes for the future… I dreamt of a family, I dreamt of my kids, I dreamt of love… But suddenly everything turned upside down. My dreams were dying under the feet of war. And there grow up fear, insecurity, dread, being lost.......but most of all being engulfed in despair. The only hope that I could still hear was the sound whispering "Escape, escape, escape…you no longer belong to here". What about my family, my culture, my loved ones…what about my country. But it was like I was forced to follow the whispering, I followed, just because it was the only sound with a faint beam of hope. Aside of all the dangers of the escape, it was a way full of fears, fears from what is waiting for me in my land of hope. After this very long trip fraught with danger, finally I stepped in the land of hope, or at least for me it was the land of hope. But soon my hope died under the feet of reality. My new country was less dangerous, less insecure, less dreadful, but not less painful, or more joyful. I was the stranger, the man that attracted the eyes of every single pedestrian in the streets, the stranger who was looked down upon, the stranger less human than everybody less, the stranger from the culture of infidelity, the stranger who can be the best source of laughter, the stranger who had to face all kinds of mockery, the stranger with nowhere to sleep, the stranger who cannot earn living, the stranger without a cover… I was nothing but a stranger. I decided to get over all my feeling, I decided to live, and I really did. I don't want to stay here, but I can't come back. Here I'm dying slowly, and back there I'll die suddenly. I just realized one fact, "I'm HOMELESS". My country was never a home, my new country is never a home, and nowhere on earth I'll feel home.

On the Heart of a Refugee

I'm Not Your Daughter

My dear parents, I just wanted you to know that I'm not your daughter. I'm the daughter of life. I know it is difficult for you to believe it, I know it is very painful for you to think about it… But remember it is you, who first introduced me to the way where I met my real parents, but when I tell you I want to go for them you do everything to prevent me. If you think you love me like this, no you don't. You just try to own me. You are just trying to make me copy of something in your dreams. You want to fulfill your dreams in me. You always think that I'm unaware enough of my personal interest. But you never thought that the most important of all is living happily. You always have fear from the future, from the unknown. But you always forget that there is someone called God, who should be more trusted than anybody else or any wealth. Don't kill the dream inside me, don't kill the hope, don't kill the dancing child… Believe in me so that I can be me, the me I always wanted to be, and the me that never had a chance to show out for the world.

On the Heart of a Daughter

_____________________________ And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, "Speak to us of Children." And he said: Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts. For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday. You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far. Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness; For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable. By Khalil Gibran.

Guilty

Why do you always make me feel guilty? Or in a better way, why do I always feel guilty with you? Is it because I always try to see what I have done wrong? Or how I should have acted better? Is it because that I believe that in two sided relations, both are responsible for any conflict or misunderstanding? No one is perfectly right and no one is completely wrong? Is it because I feel I'm not clear with you, not clear with myself? Is it because I need to take a decision about everything in my life, and until then I can never be clear? Or is it because I prejudice and when I hear you, I know was blind on so many facts? Is it because that you somehow tough with my vulnerable deep inside? Or I'm just a bit more sensitive? Is it because that somewhere deep inside me you can never accept or can never understand? Or it is just I can't express myself clearly? Or is it that you cannot hear the deepest sound inside me, the unspoken words inside me? Is it because a kind of rejection I suffered long time ago? Or is it because I'm compassionate in front of you, and away from you my mind is always trying to judge? Or is it because I wait for you to hear me without talking? I don't know why, but I know that I will not choose to judge you to get rid of this feeling. I know that I'll keep on getting deeper in myself, and getting more and more free everyday. I know that choosing love will always make us more vulnerable. I know it takes effort to build real relations. I know it painful to go through our limitations. I know it is difficult to choose to be more human.

On the Heart of a Lover